Lonely Man On The Corner
by klutzysunshine
Summary: Bash's world comes screeching to a halt in an Anaheim bar. He finally breaks months later in Las Vegas.


Nobody quite expected the show to go off the rails since everything had gone smoothly but Bash accidentally threw a spanner in the works near the end (something the women were grateful for, even though the thought made them feel guilty). He was about to congratulate the winner - Welfare Queen - when his voice cracked. He audibly cleared his throat a few times, drank a bit of water, and tried to continue. "Will Lib … I'm sorry, Welfare Queen, be able to continue her winning streak? Find … find… out tomorrow!" he tried to yell, his voice breaking. A tear rolled down his cheek and he wiped it away, desperate to announce the plans for the following day's show as per usual. He couldn't find the words as more tears continued to escape. Carmen and Rhonda both eyed him with worry, and it was the former who stood up and immediately went after him when Bash finally gave up and took off out of the arena. Rhonda ran towards his table and made the announcement then bolted after the two.

"Should we go see what's wrong?" a concerned Ruth asked Sam.

He shrugged. "Do we really care?"

"Yes! Something is obviously the matter - he's been off for _months_. Aren't you the least bit curious about why?"

"Then you go snoop, Ruth, and then tell me what you know."

She rolled her eyes at him, suddenly grateful the room was emptying out, and headed towards the dressing rooms to change back into her regular clothes first.

Carmen wasn't that far behind Bash and managed to catch up to him just before he entered the elevator to go up to his and Rhonda's room. "I'm fine!" he lied.

"If you weren't crying right now, that'd be more believable. You're scaring me, Bash. What's wrong?"

"Not here!" he snapped, trying to choke back a sob and wishing he could fall apart in peace. Apparently that was too much to ask for. He didn't blame Carmen, though - she was his best friend now that Florian was … gone, even though he knew their relationship hadn't been the same since he impulsively married Rhonda.

"Okay, fine. We'll wait to get back to your room." Carmen nervously smiled at him, just knowing instinctively that this breakdown was long overdue and whatever bomb he was about to drop on her was going to be bad.

The elevator dinged, the doors opened, and Bash just froze. He wanted to run back to his room and lock everyone else out but he knew that Carmen wouldn't let go until she got everything out of him. How was he supposed to open up? He couldn't do this. He fumbled for a cigarette in his pocket and lit up then let Carmen lead him back to his room. She managed to open the door once he realized his hands were shaking too hard for him to attempt it (again, that is). He made it to the bed before he collapsed down on it and started sobbing again, beginning to rock back and forth. "I'm sorry."

"You have nothing to be sorry for. You ready to tell me what this is about?" Carmen asked, sitting down next to him and wrapping her arm around his shoulders.

His whole body shook with the force of his sobs and he tried to pull himself together when Rhonda came in but he was too far gone. "Fuck!" he yelled.

"I feel like I should ask you what the problem is as your wife," she told Bash, letting the two of them have their space. Rhonda had a feeling he'd bolt again if she made any sudden moves.

"I'm just upset," Bash tried.

"Don't you fucking lie to me, Sebastian Howard. Something's wrong and has been for a long time." A suddenly furious Carmen clenched her fists, just wishing he'd tell them the truth.

"I'm sorry. You shouldn't worry about me. You shouldn't." Bash tried to will his body to stop crying and shaking but it wasn't working.

"You're my friend - of course I'm going to worry," Carmen replied. She started rubbing circles on his back in an effort to calm him down but not surprisingly, it wasn't working.

"Again, that's my job." A nervous Rhonda bit her lip.

The three of them waited in silence for about five minutes while Bash tried to pull himself together but only made shit worse. "You know how Florian disappeared?" he asked Rhonda.

She nodded, suddenly realizing that he hadn't brought up his best friend in a long time. "Yeah. Have you heard anything?"

Another sob escaped and he nodded. "When Debbie and I were in Anaheim a few months ago, I got a call from this doctor at a hospital up in San Francisco. She told me … she told me that he was gone, and I was his emergency contact."

"Holy shit," Carmen murmured, only realizing how unhelpful that was after the words came out of her mouth.

"I'm sorry. He seemed really nice," Rhonda offered.

"What happened to him?" Carmen questioned.

He snorted. "Technically pneumonia. It was an AIDs-related illness," Bash admitted, cringing when both Rhonda and Carmen gasped. "I can't do this. I shouldn't have bothered you." He stood up and went to fake needing a shower so he could cry in peace but neither of them would let him do what he wanted.

"Sit the fuck down!" Rhonda ordered. When he refused to move, she had to gently push him back down on the bed.

"You've been holding this in for months?" Carmen wasn't surprised now that he had finally broken.

"Yes." Bash had only allowed himself to grieve once and then he locked everything up afterwards because it was just easier that way. Unfortunately - and not unexpectedly - it had blown up in his face.

"No wonder you fell apart." Rhonda finally decided to ask him something that had been in the back of her minds for weeks. "You don't really love me, do you?"

His head snapped up and he looked at her. "What?"

A knock on the door interrupted them and put a temporary hold on the conversation. Carmen opened it to reveal both Ruth and Yolanda. "She made me come," Yolanda explained, jerking her head back towards Ruth.

Ruth scoffed. "I did not. I ran into you in the dressing rooms and you made me bring me!" The two women stepped in.

"What'd we miss?" Yolanda asked as she sauntered in and sat down on the bed next to Bash.

"Florian died several months ago, and Bash has kept quiet about it. I'm still expecting an answer," Rhonda said, turning back towards her husband.

Bash sniffled, tears pouring down his face again. "I do love you - as a friend - but I'm not in love with you. I'm sorry, Rhonda."

"Why'd you marry her then?" Ruth couldn't quite put her finger on why she didn't believe the "didn't want a crazy stalker to marry Rhonda" theory but she intended to find out.

Bash shrugged, unwilling to admit the truth - even to himself. "I wanted to help a friend out."

Yolanda cocked her head and stared at him, eyes narrowing. "Bash, is there something else you want to tell us?"

He shook his head. "No?" he tried.

"Maybe this should wait until later. He's still upset," Carmen pointed out, not wanting Bash to fall apart even more.

Ruth's eyes widened as soon as she realized what Yolanda was thinking. "Holy shit," she murmured to herself.

Yolanda sat down on the other side of Bash. "Sweetheart, you're with friends. We won't tell anybody else if you don't want us to but you need to admit the truth - to yourself, most of all. Are you gay?"

Bash gasped. "What makes you think that? Of course I'm not."

"You can't even say the word. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with you," Yolanda assured him, taking his hand in her hands.

He shook his head as panic seized his body. "It's totally fine that you are but I'm not. I like women."

"Bash, you are exactly who you're supposed to be." Yolanda smiled at him and squeezed his hand.

"Florian was my best friend, and our last conversation was a fight over fucking money," Bash answered, trying desperately to change the subject.

"He loved you, Bash. I think he was trying to protect you in his own way," chimed in Carmen.

"Bash, stop changing the subject. You're safe. Nobody's judging you." Yolanda wasn't surprised when he turned fearful eyes towards her.

"I'm gay?" he asked.

"Say it as a statement and not a question."

Bash's lips trembled and his face crumbled. "I can't be but I am. I'm gay," he finally admitted to himself and others, feeling a weight lift off his shoulders even though he couldn't stop freaking out.

"Congratulations." Yolanda hugged him, and the other women dove in to join the activity a few seconds later.

"I'm fucking terrified," Bash admitted once they all pulled away. The haunted look in his eyes hurt them too. "I think I was in love with him."

"He felt the same way. It was pretty obvious now that I'm thinking about it," Carmen pondered.

Bash suddenly remembered Rhonda and the fact that he was married. "Fuck. Rhonda, I'm so fucking sorry."

She waved his apology away and laughed. "Bash, this is a green card marriage. You're under no obligation to love me. And I suspected once you kept making up excuses to not fuck me." She laughed. "They got quite creative once the headache and sleeping lies stopped working. I was impressed."

"Well, now I'm curious about these excuses. You feeling better now?" Yolanda asked Bash.

"Not at all but thank you."

"We should probably go. Maybe Bash wants some privacy to work through his shit?" Ruth suggested.

"I'll bunk with two of the other girls tonight. I'm sure they won't mind." Rhonda smirked at Ruth and Yolanda.

"Can Carmen stay? I need some time with my best friend." Bash again tried to will his body to stop crying but it wasn't working and now he had a pounding headache.

"Of course I'm staying. Maybe we can watch a movie?" Carmen suggested.

"Sounds like a plan." Ruth, Rhonda, and Yolanda took off, leaving the two of them alone.

Bash bent over and began sobbing in earnest again but Carmen held him in her arms and let him cry it out. He eventually ended up exhausting himself into a nap, and she stayed with him all night.

Bash was far from okay - he still had a lot to work through - but tonight had opened the floodgates and he could finally be himself. It'd take a long time to heal from Florian's death because he had been burying it for so long - a mistake in the long run. Breaking at the end of a show had not been the fuck up he thought it was.


End file.
